Exercise Helps Deal With Failure To Launch

Posted on March 23, 2012 by Matthew Arrington

When a young adult is struggling with failure to launch syndrome, many parents ask what the sure-fire way is to help their son become independent. Unfortunately there is not a single answer that will rectify their situation, but a combo of different things that are proven to help the overall picture. One of the things that we have seen to produce some of the most rapid results is adopting a regular exercise program into their daily schedule. A recent article published by the Mayo Clinic explains a few benefits of regular exercise.

“The health benefits of regular exercise and physical activity are hard to ignore. And the benefits of exercise are yours for the taking, regardless of your age, sex or physical ability.

Exercise controls weight: Exercise can help prevent excess weight gain or help maintain weight loss. When you engage in physical activity, you burn calories. The more intense the activity, the more calories you burn.
Exercise combats health conditions and diseases: …being active boosts high-density lipoprotein (HDL), or “good,” cholesterol and decreases unhealthy triglycerides. This one-two punch keeps your blood flowing smoothly, which decreases your risk of cardiovascular diseases. In fact, regular physical activity can help you prevent or manage a wide range of health problems and concerns, including stroke, metabolic syndrome, type 2 diabetes, depression, certain types of cancer, arthritis and falls.
Exercise improves mood: Need an emotional lift? A workout at the gym or a brisk 30-minute walk can help. Physical activity stimulates various brain chemicals that may leave you feeling happier and more relaxed. You may also feel better about your appearance and yourself when you exercise regularly, which can boost your confidence and improve your self-esteem.
Exercise boosts energy: Regular physical activity can improve your muscle strength and boost your endurance. Exercise and physical activity deliver oxygen and nutrients to your tissues and help your cardiovascular system work more efficiently. And when your heart and lungs work more efficiently, you have more energy to go about your daily chores.
Exercise promotes better sleep: Struggling to fall asleep? Or to stay asleep? Regular physical activity can help you fall asleep faster and deepen your sleep. Just don’t exercise too close to bedtime, or you may be too energized to fall asleep.
Exercise can be fun: Exercise and physical activity can be a fun way to spend some time. It gives you a chance to unwind, enjoy the outdoors or simply engage in activities that make you happy. Physical activity can also help you connect with family or friends in a fun social setting.”

The bottom line is that physical exercise has many different benefits, some of which may be more important than others. In Forte Strong we mention that we provide a personal trainer who works with each of our students which is a key component Living in Balance. Our guys are able to set their own personal fitness goals, whether it be losing weight, gaining weight, training for an event or just overall fitness, we have the team set in place that can help your young adult on his way to a healthier and more balanced life!

-The Forte Strong Family

About the Author

Matthew Arrington grew up in Southern California and has a deep fondness for the ocean and water in general. He’s lived in most of the western united states and attended school in Oregon, where he earned a few degrees in business including, marketing, leadership and organizational management and a Masters in Business. Matt has a huge passion for working with young men to increase their chances of success and credits his current success to the many positive male role models that helped him grow into manhood.

Establishing Boundaries With Your Struggling Young Adult

Posted on March 20, 2012 by Matthew Arrington

Below is an excerpt from Allison Bottke, author of the much talked-about book Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children. The following example depicts somewhat of a “fire” scenario where a struggling young adult is stuck in a rebellious and rescuing mode. Although this scenario might not apply to your unique situation, useful information can still be extrapolated from its concept. Whether your struggling young adult is in this mindset or not, take what you find helpful and apply it.

“Enabling parents know that we live either smack dab in the middle of crisis or we’re simply in between crises, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Every time the phone rings at night, we are catapulted to a place of despair. Will it be our adult child in a drunken stupor, will it be the police, or will it be the morgue?

Let’s look at these two ways we live and what we need to do to implement the decision we’ve made to stop enabling and set boundaries for our adult children.

In between crises. Without a doubt, this is the best time to put our decision into motion. We would be wise to develop our action plan during this time, then present it to our adult children and get out of the way.
In crisis mode. This is a harder time to implement your decision, but it can also show an immediate effect. If, for instance, your adult child has been arrested, do not intervene this time. If your adult child lives at home and is involved in anything related to drugs, alcohol, crime, violence, unacceptable behavior, or any type of illegal activity whatsoever, insist on his immediate departure from your home. Call the authorities if necessary. He can choose to go to rehab or to a friend’s home, or anywhere he’d like, including living on the street — whatever he decides — but it is not your responsibility to find somewhere for him to go.Remember, if he has broken the law, you may be considered an accessory to his crime. Calling the police will be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do, but it may be necessary.

If your adult child lives outside the home and is calling for money or a place to live, or is requesting (in many cases, begging) for your signature on a contract or rental agreement, do not give it to him.

There’s an old saying, “You can’t paddle another man’s canoe for him.” We’ve been paddling our adult children’s canoes for far too long. It’s time they learned how to paddle for themselves.

Knowing that we need to change and taking the steps necessary to make changes are, sadly, often two entirely different things.”

At Forte Strong we help teach young men how to “paddle their own canoe”. Sure, it takes effort but that effort will be the very difference between an independent son or dependent one. The fact is, if you don’t know how to paddle your own canoe, you’ll go anywhere the wind takes you!

-The Forte Strong Family

About The Author

Brook Price dedicated himself to helping others early in his life. He grew up in Sunny Orange County California, then joined the Marine Corps at the age of 21 serving five and half years as a helicopter crew chief and then as chief accountant. His journey with this type of work began when he volunteered as a Young Marines Instructor during his time in the Marines, helping kids get off the street, improve their lives and develop as a leader. After his tour Brook left the Marines to pursue a career in experiential therapy by attending Southern Utah University where he majored in outdoor recreation with a minor in psychology.

Brook has seventeen years experience working for a variety of different therapeutic and transitional programs across the nation. His thirst for knowledge drove him to learn and study successful therapeutic models and programs across the country, most notably Outward Bound. Brook has experience working with therapeutic, residential, military, wilderness and transitional programs for adults and adolescents.

Is my son addicted to video games?

Posted on March 15, 2012 by Matthew Arrington

young man playing video games This is a popular question we hear a lot. “Is my son addicted to video games /computer games? How can I tell? What do I do?” According to dictionary.com, the definition of addiction is as follows: “The state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming… to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.” Is it possible to be addicted to video games? You bet, just like people can be addicted to drugs, food, sex or gambling. Addiction in any form will eventually cause problems and begin to effect all areas of your life, to include your physical, emotional, mental, social, and spiritual well-being. In order for us to create and maintain a life of happiness, meaning and purpose we need balance.

Playing video games is not necessarily a bad thing as long proper boundaries are put in place to prevent it from becoming habit forming. Studies have shown that video game addiction is indeed real and growing. It’s effects not only center around the age of adolescence but now extend well into adulthood. As a result no one is completely safe from its influence including parents who have lost their jobs, some even receiving prison time for child neglect, all due to video game addiction.

Here are some warning signs to watch out for. For young adults or adolescence, you may begin to feel as if they spend the entire day in their room. A gradual lack of interest in visiting friends, getting out or attending social gatherings may soon develop. Studies show that this kind of behavior will eventually limit social skill development and the ability for these adolescence to function appropriately in normal social settings down the road. Other warning signs include fatigue (due to lack of proper sleep), poor grades, lying, or agitation and cranky behavior.

At Forte Strong strong we understand the severity of your situation. We help your struggling young adult regain the balance that is missing in his life by incorporating a multifaceted approach that replaces bad habits with healthy ones. A few ways we do this is by reinforcing the body’s natural sleep patterns, adopting physical exercise, introducing fun social activities and exploring healthy alternatives to playing video games. As your son discovers a variety of positive ways to fill the gaps that video games were falsely providing we begin to reintroduce video games into his balanced lifestyle as a fun, non-abusive option to our recreation.

About The Author

Helping vs. Enabling. Whats the difference?

Posted on March 14, 2012 by Matthew Arrington

Ok, today we are going to start off on a hot topic, but a very important issue that needs to be addressed. The big question that many have asked themselves or, rather, SHOULD ask themselves is: Am I helping or enabling? First of all lets look at the difference between the two. HELPING is assisting someone with a situation, task, etc…that they are incapable of doing themselves. ENABLING is doing something for someone who is fully capable of doing it themselves. Keep this in mind when you are involved with your struggling young adult.

For example: I recently had to replace a broken serpentine belt in my vehicle. I knew how to do it but was unable to lift the pulley down AND at the same time slide the belt through the maze of pulleys on the engine. I went across the street to my friend Dave’s house (Dave is a mechanic btw) and asked if he could give me a hand. Dave was able to put pressure on the pulley allowing me to adjust and put the belt where it was supposed to go. This is a basic example of someone (Dave) helping rather than enabling. Conversely, if I were to ask Dave to come “help” me but I sat and watched him do the whole thing (assuming it wasn’t a two person job) he would have been enabling me.

As a parent it can be difficult to determine whether you are helping or enabling. After all, the first instinct you have as a parent is to provide for your children, and society tells us that really good parents give their kids the opportunities and things that they never had growing up. But that is where we need to stop and think.

A recent article tells us the story of Jared. Jared is a 25 year old man who works a good construction job full time and makes a good income. He still lives at home with his parents though, and spends most of his free time playing video games and watching tv. Jared’s parents are responsible for the mortgage, food, paying utilities, doing chores around the house etc…while Jared sits on the couch or in his bedroom and enjoys a life without much responsibility. He is fully capable of providing for himself but doesn’t see the need as to why he should be living on his own. Because of the money he saves, it is usually spent on buying new video games, clothes, movies, long vacations or whatever he wants. Jared’s parents are enabling him because he is in good health, fully capable of providing for himself and living on his own as an adult. Jared is essentially experiencing “Failure to Launch”

Take a moment and look at the situations involving your son and ask yourself this question, “Am I helping or enabling?” In the future, when you find yourself contemplating whether you should help your son or not, first ask yourself the question, “Am I helping or enabling?” then make your decision. This will take some time to master and at times it will involve some tough love, but in the end it will strengthen the bond between you. As always, we invite you to take a look at Forte Strong for more info and tips on how to help your son unlock his potential.

About The Author

Forte Strong Addresses “Failure To Launch Syndrome” Pt 2…

Posted on March 9, 2012 by Matthew Arrington

Last week, we gave parents a better understanding of why Failure To Launch occurs from a son’s perspective. Now, lets take a look at why it’s so difficult and sometimes debilitating from a parent’s perspective.

1. Fear: Lets be honest… whether you believe it or not, your parents are concerned for your well being. They are scared for you. You might ask yourself, “Why?” Well, its simple. They’re afraid you’ll fail, get disappointed, be let down, remain stuck and become unhappy. Now parents, although these may be valid concerns what you have to realize is that these are NECESSARY STEPS that each of us NEED to experience to progress and grow in life. Your young sons need to fail. That is how they learn and progress and grow. Sure, they may be able to learn from some of your failures, but they also need to experience them on their own too.

2. Lack of progression/experience: Ok guys…. If you are at home and not progressing in life you are just idling. And remember, an idling car doesn’t take you anywhere, it only pollutes the environment! So don’t idle at home and “smog” up your relationships. Get going! Travel, see and do things! The country is beautiful, but you can only experience it if you take the road trip! Even if you don’t know where you’re going, at least you’re moving. You know how many young adults start college without knowing exactly what they’re going to do in life? About 90%. It’s ok… you’re not the minority!

3. Bad parents: If you are not progressing in life your parents can feel downtrodden. You may have heard them explain to you growing up that what you do reflects upon the family. Well, to a certain degree they’re right. And by NOT progressing they may feel like they haven’t given you the necessary tools to succeed in life. This can be difficult to live with as a parent day in and day out. They think, “What could I have done different? What did I miss?” What you’ll soon realize is that NOBODY is perfect. Not even your parents! We will all continue to learn in life until our dying breath and you can only blame your parents for so long. Even if you didn’t grow up with the “perfect” parents, so what? None of us did! The great thing is, your an adult now and you can make your life how you want it!

4. The Generation Gap: Ok, guys and parents, this one is for both of you. Generation gaps continue to put a wedge between the ideals of parents and their sons. Parents, you might expect your son to act as you did when “he was your age”. You have to remember that the norms of our society are constantly changing and shifting, so what was expected of you when you were Johnny’s age, isn’t necessarily the norm today. And that is what Johnny is living with in today’s world. Is Johnny’s generation more of an entitled generation? That may be true for some… but realize that though times have changed, their not any easier, though it might feel that way. For example, what is considered as “appropriate” now on nighttime television would probably have received an “R” rating in theaters 25-30 years ago. These are the difficult choices this generation must make. And for some of you guys, you need to step outside of your “gimmie” generation. NO ONE OWES YOU ANYTHING. The sooner you realize this, the quicker you’ll be able to move on. Remember, you need to stake your claim with life. You are the only one who CAN take you in the direction you want to go. So get moving!

Now that we’ve touched on a few of the reasons as to why Failure To Launch is so difficult for parents, perhaps it will give you guys some insight as to why your parents are so concerned for you. Parents, its important to look at things from your son’s point of view too. By switching places, relationships can become more cohesive and compromises can be reached. As the famous proverb states, “To understand a man, you must walk a mile in his shoes, whether they fit or not.” Thanks for reading, and if you would like to share your thoughts, feel free to leave some comments below.

-The Forte Strong Family

About The Author

Forte Strong addresses “Failure To Launch Syndrome”

Posted on February 16, 2012 by Matthew Arrington

What causes the evermore popular failure to launch syndrome? Are there symptoms? How can one overcome it? To begin with, lets address a few of the possible underlying reasons for why failure to launch occurs.

1. Self-esteem: Self esteem is an important factor in considering one’s level of confidence. Confidence can help your son get a job, make good decisions, create long-lasting relationships and the list goes on and on . Heck, confidence can even help him get that number from the cute girl in his economics class! When your self-esteem goes down… your chances of living a happy fulfilling life go down with it.

2. Responsibility: Leaving the nest and living on his own as an adult means being responsible for himself and his actions. This may seem like a no-brainer, but its true! Going from little or no responsibility at home to all responsibility on your own can be scary! Leaving the nest is a fearful, daunting, and intimidating task for many young men, especially those who are more shy and introverted in nature. When you avoid responsibility, you avoid the positive outcomes that come with it.

3. Uncertainty: There are many factors at play when it comes to the uncertainties of life. Just because your son goes out and gets a degree doesn’t guarantee him a job and it doesn’t guarantee he will be “successful” either. The ability to carry on in the face of uncertainty is not an easy task, but it is often the difference between success or failure. The fear of the unknown is another weight added to the stress of becoming independent.

4. Expectations: Society in general places certain expectations on young men and your son is no different. You need to be this or that to be “successful” and if you don’t….well, you’re incompetent. For most adults it’s easy to forget societal expectations because lets face it, it’s been a long time since you’ve had to feel the weight of societal expectations as a young adult. Living up to the expectations of family, friends, bosses, coworkers, teachers, and society, not to mention themselves is a paralyzing thought… and when they fail, instead of it being a learning experience its crushing blow.

5. Conclusion: These are just a few of the reasons why failure to launch occurs. Depending on the individual, there may be more underlying reasons, but it only takes one to potentially initiate the failure to launch syndrome. The take away is that self-esteem, responsibility, uncertainty, and expectations are all interconnected. If we fear one, chances are we fear them all and the results can be devastating. Instead of facing life on his terms a young man may choose to run and hide. The key to stopping this domino effect is to take the fear away. Once fear has been reduced to a manageable level, independence is MUCH easier to tackle! 🙂

Be sure to check back next week where we continue the failure to launch report with an understanding of why it’s frustrating for parents…