It’s Time to Move Out!
Moving out when you’re used to living at home with your parents may seem like a challenge, but it’s actually easier than it looks.
Sure, there are challenges to be met (it wouldn’t be exciting otherwise!), but you’re an adult now, free to choose your own path and nobody and nothing can keep you from it now that you’re ready to take the next step.
Whatever your personal reasons are for your decision to change your place of residence, you’re finally at a place where you’re ready to just do it!
Still, you might want to consider these 7 Tips to make the transition a little easier.
1. Write Down What You Want and Why
You probably have a general idea what you want. But have you really nailed it down? Can you say specifically what you want? Just as important as writing down the specific result you see in your mind, is writing down why you want it. Knowing why you want it gives you the energy and determination to get it done!
Knowing why you want to move out gives you as sense of purpose, your future is in your hands, you feel empowered, you feel powerful and that feels good. Knowing why you want it and telling your story on paper reminds you why you’re excited to do it! This isn’t something you feel like you have to do, this is something you want to do and wanting to do it is what makes it so exciting. When you move out, clearly defining what you want out of it and your reasons for wanting it takes you to a whole new level of motivation to just do it!
2. Focus On One Thing at a Time
As Greg McKeown in his book Essentialism explains, focus is not really a thing, it’s an action. Not only is focus an action, it’s an action that influences the way you feel. Try a little experiment. Close your eyes and focus on a time when you were as felt overwhelmed. Remember what you saw, what you heard, where you were and everything in as much detail as you can for the next 5 seconds. How do you feel? Now close your eyes and do the same thing, but focus on a time when you felt incredibly powerful and confident for 20 seconds. Now how do you feel?
One of the reasons young adults feel overwhelmed by anxiety when they think about living on their own, is they try to put the focus on everything they have to do all at once. They get stuck because it doesn’t work that way.
If you happen to find yourself feeling anxious and overwhelmed, remember to focus on an action that you take right now. By switching your focus to make a decision to act right now, you will 100% change the way you feel. Your power to change the way you feel just by changing what you focus on is incredible.
For instance, if the thought of filling out apartment applications seems to feel overwhelming, focus on filling out just one application. If the thought of filling out just one application seems overwhelming, focus on filling out just the first line. When that’s done, focus on the next line.
When you focus on breaking down tasks into smaller, actionable bits and that you just do one at a time, you naturally feel confidence because you feel like you have options available for getting what you want and you see yourself move toward your desired outcome. Now that you have successfully completed a small task that moved you towards your goal, you have every reason to tell yourself to be confident and then feel confidence grow into the place where the anxiety used to be in your life. The great thing is that creating confidence in one area of your life bleed over into other areas where that old anxiety used to be.
3. Own Your Decisions
Part of this whole living your own life thing means owning your decisions. Even if other people do things that you find frustrating and temporarily require you to adjust your plans, it’s still your responsibility to change your life, so own it. Don’t wait for them or anyone else to make changes for you.
Other people will do what they do and if you live with your parents, they may or may not support you in what you want. But you decide what is important to you, whether they like it or not. Focus on the opportunities that you have to gather your own resources and meet your own needs, focus on what you want and take action to get it. With your own resourcefulness, you have now have created options for yourself that you get to decide on. Having decided what you want, go get it!
The instant you commit and take charge of your own life, instead of waiting for others to make your life better, you give yourself the power to choose what you want to do and how you want to live it. While you may decide to rely on your parents financial support for the time being, owning that decision puts you back in the driver’s seat of your own life.
4. Make a Plan
Write down what you have that you can use to get you what you want. Then write down what you need to get and what you need to do to get it so you’re ready move out. Think about what you need to have when you are out living on your own. Here’s a few things to think about getting:
- a job (if you don’t already have one)
- enough money for a deposit, first month’s rent and utilities
- an apartment
- a budget
You’ll need income so finding work that pays is your first step. You will need to create a budget. A budget is simply a way to keep track of how much you’ll need for living expenses each month. To do that, add up how much food, gas, internet etc. will cost you each month.
If you don’t have any idea how much they cost, ask your parents or someone who has been out on their own for awhile. Adding up your monthly expenses will tell you about how much you need to save up before you move out.
Finding an apartment. Do a google search to get an idea of how much rent is in your area. To get an apartment, you will need to fill out an application. Once you’re approved, you’ll need enough money to cover a deposit and your first month’s rent before you can move in. Since deposits are usually close to the same amount as rent you can double the number and that will tell you about how much money you will need in the bank before you apply.
You will also need a way to get around. If your job is close to your apartment, you can get away with walking or biking, but if it’s further away, you will either need a vehicle or access to public transportation. When you’re making your plans, don’t forget to take transportation costs into account.
5. Do Something Different (and Feel Better)
If you feel a moment of anxiety or a little blue, its not unusual, but you have the ability to change the way you feel. If you’re having a hard time motivating yourself, do something different today from what you did yesterday. Do something that feels good and is outside your normal routine. You’ll want to do something proactive and positive, so watching Netflix probably doesn’t qualify (but that doesn’t mean you can’t give it to yourself as a reward). Get up, get out and do something outside your normal routine; move your body and notice how when you do it for even a short amount of time you feel more energetic and positive about life.
Even the slightest change in your routine can help you feel better. If you normally get up and lounge around the house in until noon before getting dressed for the day, try getting dressed right after you get up. Pay attention to how it makes you feel.
If you usually sit on the couch and watch TV or play video games after breakfast, take the dog for a walk, go for a bike ride or enjoy a good swim and you will notice that you feel better. Keep doing the things that make you feel energetic and empowered. Once you have some momentum, pick just one thing to help you move out. You don’t have to make big changes to make progress, you just need to consistently do the small things to see improvement.
6. Focus on What You Can Control
Just like focusing on everything you had to do all at once doesn’t work, when you focus on all the things that are going wrong with your life, you’ll probably experience feeling frustrated, angry or depressed. Yes, it’s important to recognize why you want to move out so that you will motivated to change it, but if you focus solely on what you don’t like about your current situation you’ll feel stuck. It may seem hard to have to deal with all the problems in your life, but it’s easy to shift your focus.
Think about it this way. If you owned an old beat up car, but wanted a new one, what would be more productive to focus on: the fact that you don’t have that new Mustang GT or the fact that you have a car to get you to and from work so you can save for a down payment on that new Mustang?
So if you find yourself feeling frustrated or stuck, shift your focus away from the situation to what you really want instead and then ask yourself what options you have to change it.
By shifting your focus to solutions and away from problems, your mental and emotional energy is freed up and available for getting you what you really want.
7. Ask for Support
Moving out on your own can feel overwhelming, but the good news is, you don’t have to do it on your own.
There are lots of people who want you to succeed and be happy, starting with your parents. Whether you are struggling with bigger issues like social anxiety or depression, or you just have a hard time getting a job or figuring out what the next step is, asking someone to support you as you work through it can get you on the right track.
One thing that might stop you from asking for support is feeling embarrassed or ashamed that you need “help”. This may be especially true if your friends or classmates are living on their own and you compare yourself to them. But here’s the reality, nobody got to success without support, nobody.
While admitting that want or need support may seem to be difficult or scary, people who accept that enlisting the support of another, even if it’s just to ask them to listen to you while you talk, people who do this are pleasantly surprised by the relief they feel when they do acknowledge. Contrary to their expectations, their requests for support is met with acceptance. You do want to be smart about it; don’t ask a jerk, do find someone who will be supportive. If this is something you struggle with and you just can’t bring yourself to ask your parents or friends for support, consider finding a good therapist or counselor to talk to.
Bonus Tip: Commit!
Once you know what you want and you commit yourself to getting it, hold nothing back, put everything into doing it! The world will seem like a different place and you will be amazed out how the world changes to make your dream possible. Of course it isn’t the world that changes but you. True commitment is a powerful thing and you can harness it when you’re ready to take action. Commit, apply these 7 Tips and take the next exciting step in building the life you want to have.
About the Author
Eric Hatton has spent most of the last six years working as a field staff in wilderness therapy where he coached students on primitive fire skills, making and setting traps and other important wilderness skills. He also coached staff as they learned leadership skills and as they learned to disrupt dysfunctional behavior in the students. Eric loves brainstorming with people. He loves to help people organize their thoughts and change their dreams and desires into tangible, achievable goals. He loves to help people to discover their passions and to help them find ways to use their passions to realize their goals. He is passionate about building great teams and organizations and helping others succeed.